Always on my mind
by Oldmovie
Summary: An AU story where Cuddy did get Joy, House isn't talking to anyone about how he is feeling and Wilson is trying to understand just what is going on. A look at what would have happened with the characters had Cuddy actually gotten Joy. House/Cuddy/Wilson.
1. Chapter 1

**This one-shot/ potential chapter fic, is based on the idea that Cuddy did actually manage to get Joy and its how the rest of "Joy" and "The Itch" would be played out if Joy became Cuddy's. Some nice OT3ness here.**

Cuddy held the child carefully to her chest, holding her head gently, rocking slowly back and forth, a warm smile played on Cuddy's lips as she looked down to her daughter Joy. She watched the newborn's fragile frame rise and fall as each breath left the little one's lips and Cuddy brought her head down slightly just to listen to the reassuring intakes of air that told her that Joy was really there. She wasn't sure how long she sat there, letting Joy sleep against her bosom, but the small bundle of heat soothingly laying against her made her feel more elated and loved then she had ever felt. A few tears of happiness trailed from her eyes before Cuddy resolutely got up from the rocking chair and delicately placed Joy in her crib. She lightly stroked the newborn's head, and cocked her head affectionately at the baby's mews at the recognition of touch. Cuddy was making her way out of the nursery and felt her heart twinge slightly at the thought of leaving Joy alone on her first night outside of the hospital, and she made her way back to the rocking chair, determined to spend the night in the nursery and make sure Joy was still there when she woke up in the morning.

* * *

House sat in his office, it was long past working hours and everyone had gone home. His eyes were glazed over as his mind wandered and hadn't been disturbed since the night janitor had tried to clean his office. He looked over to the whiteboard that still had his immature bet scrawled on it with the ridiculous "Jones" and "Skutner" written in black erasable pen and House sighed. He pushed himself up out of his chair, leaving his cane to the side and limped into the diagnostics room to erase the absurd reminder of the day's events. His eyes narrowed as he came upon the drawing of the baby and paused, allowing himself to realize that from now on everything was going to change. He slowly erased the baby, letting his mind absorb the new situation he was finding himself in. As the final marks of black pen were erased from the board, House stood back to admire his handiwork and see if he missed any stray marks and came upon the startlingly realization that the board looked empty, blank and without purpose now that nothing was written on it. He felt his heart sink slightly and turned away from the whiteboard, deeming it nothing more than his mind, tired from the emotional stress of the day, putting ideas into his head. He limped clumsily, in a reckless attempt to return to the safety of his office chair and back to the brooding silence he had been in since Wilson had told him Cuddy had taken Joy home.

"_Cuddy's leaving now," Wilson said poking his head through the door. _

"_Tell her mozaltof from me," House continued to look at some sort of coupon offer on his computer. _

"_You don't want to see her out?" Wilson asked coming in a bit. _

"_I'm sure I'll see plenty of Annie in time," House muttered refusing to meet Wilson's eyes. _

"_Joy," Wilson corrected House._

"_I know the kid's name," House replied. "Never heard of 'It's a hard knock life'?" _

_Wilson laughed completely amazed, "I can't believe this." _

_House looked up at Wilson for the first time since Wilson had entered, confused at his response. "Why are you laughing?" _

"_I just can't believe how selfish you are," Wilson's smile stopped at the sides of his mouth and fell into a more serious line, "Cuddy is finally happy, finally has something she wants, and all you can think about it yourself." _

House rubbed the sides of his temple with his knuckles, massaging away some of the tension that had built up the entire day and was only in his moments of solitude, often when his pain struck the worst, that it was allowed to explode and leave him clinging to the desk for support. He tried to push his conversation with Wilson out of his mind, but that annoying oncologist that served as his conscious danced around his thoughts.

"_How is not wanting to ruin the moment being selfish?" House asked looking at Wilson whose hands had dropped down to his waist. _

"_Because Cuddy, God help her, wants your support," Wilson answered. _

"_I don't do support," House said returning his eyes to the computer. _

"_What are you, a high schooler?" Wilson spluttered. "I don't do support, what the hell does that mean?" Wilson mimicked House's voice. House stared at Wilson hard but had no response so Wilson continued. _

"_You want to know what I think this is all about," Wilson said pointing an accusing finger at House. _

"_Not particularly," House replied slightly wary of the finger. _

"_You're scared." Wilson announced. _

"_Scared of what?" House asked exasperated. _

"_Scared that Cuddy won't be there at your beck and call anymore, that maybe something will replace you in Cuddy's life, because you give a damn about where you fit in Cuddy's life." _

"_The only way I care about fitting into Cuddy's life is fitting in-between her legs," House responded._

_Wilson frowned but continued, "At least go tell her congratulations House, even if you don't mean it." _

* * *

Cuddy woke with a start when she heard knocking on her front door. Slightly dazed she pushed herself up from the rocking chair and the blanket slipped off her shoulders when she glanced instinctively towards the crib to make sure Joy was still asleep, and still there. Cuddy sighed as she realized who must be at the door and groped her way out of the nursery, not wanting to turn on the light in fear of waking Joy up and walked slowly to the door, hoping to let House freeze a little outside before opening the door readily to him. She opened the door and her face changed from annoyance to utter surprise when she saw Wilson standing on her doorstep.

"Wilson?" She asked confused.

"Hi Cuddy," He replied with a warm smile he stood outside awkwardly before Cuddy came to her senses.

"Oh come in, come in," Cuddy ushered him into the house and closed the door behind him. Once Wilson was inside she looked at him confused waiting for an answer as to why her head of oncology was coming by her house at 11pm.

"I come to make peace," Wilson announced which only got him a confused frown from Cuddy.

"Peace?" Cuddy repeated shaking her head still not understanding.

"I'm assuming House hasn't apologized for his behavior yet?" Wilson asked.

"I wasn't exactly expecting an apology, to expect one would be like expecting snow to fall in June."

"Well there's Christmas in July," Wilson made a pathetic attempt at a joke but shied away under Cuddy's intense stare.

"Wilson," Cuddy warned softly, not in the mood for games.

Wilson sighed, "He's scared Cuddy."

Cuddy laughed, "Yes House is exactly the type to cower in fear of his problems."

"Which is exactly why he acts like an ass, he's dealing with his problems the only way he knows that works, he's acting hostile to any force that may disrupt his happy little balance."

"And you're here to tell me that Joy is that lump of silver that's set his weights all off scale," Cuddy said nodding her head with an un-amused expression lying on her face.

Wilson nodded a little helplessly. Cuddy grew annoyed, "So what?"

Wilson blinked bewildered, he hadn't been expecting this response, "So what?"

"House needs to grow up. He spends his whole life doing whatever the hell he wants, acting hostile to whatever he feels threatens the tiny world he lives in and frankly I'm sick of it. If House wants to act immature and hostile to other people's happiness, it's just going to stunt his own." Cuddy finished. She put her hands on her hips, "Is that all?"

Wilson sensing that he should make up for his stupid mistake before had a quick reply, "How is she?"

Cuddy blinked surprised at the sudden change in topic but not wanting to talk anymore about House and delighting in a chance to show off her new child she broke into a tender smile, "She's perfect."

* * *

House felt the throb in his thigh as he got off of his motorcycle and popped two pills in his mouth, almost as much out of anticipation for what he was about to do then the actual pain the medication was for. He steadied his breathing and looked at the house that lay on the other side of the street. He gave himself of few more seconds of preparing himself for perhaps altering his life forever and then made a steady streamline for the front door of Cuddy's house. He hobbled up the steps, wincing as his leg and cane hit the stairs at un-even angels since he was not carefully placing each step as normal, but rather, haphazardly charging the steps. He was a little out of breath at the top but pushed through the pain so that he was standing right outside of her door. He brought his cane up to knock and held it there for a few seconds before bringing it down again. He reconsidered what he was doing and shuffled awkwardly as he was stuck in a sort of perjury between his life now and what he wanted it to be. He was about to bring the cane up again when a flash of movement caught House's eye in the window on his right. He peered in and saw Cuddy bringing in a bundle of cloth, which House could only assume was Joy, with Wilson trailing behind her, looking over Cuddy's shoulder to look at the daughter in her arms. Wilson smiled warmly and said something to the child which made Cuddy laugh and flash Wilson a smile that caused House's stomach to plummet. House watched on in masochist fascination as the two sat down and talked while Cuddy rocked her new baby back and forth in her arms. House knew this wasn't a romantic meeting and could sense nothing in their body language that implied anything but a close friendship, but that didn't stop the goose bumps to create a wave of cold prickles to wash over him.

House knew when he looked upon the scene that that scene would never be his. It hurt to watch Cuddy so focused on something he had no part of, and that scared him to a point that House didn't like to analyze very deep in case he discovered something that could change his life forever. It gave House a weird heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach to see Wilson at such ease with Cuddy and her child, and House became jealous that Wilson was somehow a part of all of this. He swallowed hard and turned around, leaving the happy scene behind him and returning to the motorcycle that lay in the shadows overcast by Cuddy's house. He glanced back up at the house one more time, shook his head and started the ignition on his motorcycle.

* * *

Cuddy glanced up from Joy to smile at Wilson and a flash of movement outside her window caught her attention. She saw the flashy orange motorcycle outside her house and her stomach flipped a little. She craned her neck a little, which caused Wilson to follow her gaze and he also noticed the flash of orange fly out of the left window pane's view. He sighed and looked at Cuddy who had an emotion on his face he couldn't quite read.

"Maybe hostility doesn't have to end badly?" Wilson suggested.


	2. Chapter 2

**Alright so I decided I would turn this into a chapter fic, I'd like to say that this story will very very loosely follow what is going on in House MD right now, but again I repeat extremely loosely. Thank you for the wonderful reviews, hopefully this chapter will be equally as appealing.**

House sat in the waiting room of the clinic, eyeing the substitute dean through the glass doors of her office, crouched over her work and wearing a rather disappointing turtle neck and House sighed annoyed, this wasn't the same. Cuddy had taken some of the vacation time she had collected over the years and decided to use it to spend more time with her new child and House was already finding that this child was making his life very difficult. Not only was this dean a much harder target to manipulate, she did not have the entertaining wardrobe of Cuddy to keep him busy whilst being yelled at, and this irritated him greatly. Skipping clinic duty, pulling pranks, being an ass in general seemed so boring now that Wilson was the only one there to appreciate any of it and House felt uncomfortable every time he came upon this startling revelation and refused to allow himself to analyze it too deeply. House realized that again his thoughts had drifted to Cuddy and frustrated with himself, turned his head away from the substitute dean and back to the patients that surrounded him. Though the joy of skipping clinic duty had evaporated once Cuddy was longer there, it did not take away the fact that he hated clinic duty and was determined to get out of there as fast as he could. His master plan today had been to sit amongst those in the clinic so that he seemed like a patient instead of a doctor, and perhaps this way he would be able to actually say he was in the clinic without lying but without actually doing any work. He leaned back in his uncomfortable lounge chair and eyed the people sitting, most of them in a rather tense position of nervousness or anxiety as they waited for a doctor to see them and tell them the inevitable bad news. House rolled his eyes at this; most of these morons were hypochondriacs that thought they were dying of TB because they had the sniffles. He had been glancing over the crowd when a young girl in the corner of the clinic caught his eye.

* * *

Wilson sat in his office and stared out of the window watching New Jersey's annual November rain fall gracefully across the windows. His eyes focused on the neighboring office of the diagnostician he knew so well and he frowned, annoyed at his friend. House had been acting very different lately, almost distant and in a mind-set that so separated him from those around him that Wilson was becoming worried. Wilson had always thought himself a perceptive man, one to pick up on things people didn't, and he seemed to pride himself on his reading of his particularly complex friend, Gregory House. That was why he was so surprised upon House's reaction to Cuddy adopting. It was a sickening moment of realization for Wilson when he saw the look of devastation that crossed House's face in the baby store. Wilson, who had been expecting some jibe about the tragedy that Cuddy's boobs would never get bigger and preparing himself to defend Cuddy in her right to adopt, was shocked by the walls, that House kept so meticulously in good order, crumbling down and revealing this broken man hidden behind a wall that could rival China's. Wilson had always known House lusted after Cuddy, he knew that House used images of Cuddy as an escape and often a release when he needed them in the hours in between work and spending time with Wilson, but that night it had dawned on Wilson that perhaps what House was feeling leant to something more than a sexual fantasy. As he watched House slink away from himself and Cuddy he felt his stomach lower slightly in pity for his friend who could never make anything easy for himself.

"_He didn't take that well," Cuddy muttered in a quiet voice._

"_No," Wilson replied in a voice similar to Cuddy's as he digested what had just happened._

"_I knew he wasn't going to be happy but-"she trailed off referring to the vulnerable expression House had displayed so openly. _

"_Don't worry about it Cuddy," Wilson answered, trying his best to relieve the guilt he knew Cuddy would be feeling. _

"_I'm not," Cuddy said slowly turning to look at Wilson. He gave her a puzzled look. _

"_He'll get over it," Wilson continued since he wasn't sure about how to react to what she had said. _

"_I know he will," she muttered sadly and looked down to her purse which had begun to vibrate against her leg. She opened the purse and looked inside to retrieve her cell-phone and saw the name that flashed on the screen. _

"_It's the adoption agency, I'll see you tomorrow Wilson, and thank you for today," Cuddy gave him a weak smile and put the cell-phone to her ear and walked out of the store, without looking back at the crib, and making her escape. Wilson knocked on the wood of the crib, in silent superstition and walked out of the store feeling a little heavier than when he first entered. _

* * *

Cuddy let her palm skim the water in small plastic wash tub that was resting inside the kitchen sink, testing the temperature to make sure that it wasn't too hot, and gave a little nod of the head indicating that it was just right and brought her little goldilocks out of the crib she had placed her in and onto the blanket Cuddy had placed onto the kitchen counter.

"Guess what time it is Joy?" Cuddy had fallen into the trap that all new mothers fell into, the cooing baby talk. She smiled as Joy gurgled in response and shoved her little arms out in a fashion to grab at the dangling black curls that had fallen loose out of Cuddy's hair. Cuddy let her head drop slightly to let Joy clasp a stray curl but regretted it a little when Joy's grip got a little too strong. Joy's amused babble made Cuddy feel slightly guilty when she pulled away from the child's grip and instead replaced her curls with one of her fingers for the baby to hold onto. Soon she had managed to strip her new baby of all diapers and clothes and placed her in the small plastic wash-tub. Cuddy made sure that the water was shallow enough in the tub so that Joy could lay down without being submerged and gently began to use the sponge she had bought to wash Joy.

_Cuddy stood outside the nursery anxiously waiting for the blood tests and routine procedures to be finished on Joy. She knew this was normal and that all babies had to go through this, but years of experience had told her to never have too much hope. House's patients alone had re-enforced this fact. She had left House as soon as he had told her that her consent was not needed on the kidney transplant and rushed as fast as she could to get back to her new-born and check on the progress the nursery had made. As she sat in the waiting room her fingers found their way to the necklace she was wearing and realized she needed to distract herself, besides the horrible infomercials that were being played on the tv that hung from the ceiling. Before getting up, she made a mental note to look into all the tvs in the hospital and looked around for anything to distract her mind from pessimistic thoughts and her eye was drawn to a glass viewing area. She approached the viewing area and peered into the rows of newborns, each wrapped in their pink and blue blanket, she felt her heart leap slightly and she was suddenly accosted with butterflies in her stomach. She sighed softly and smiled in happy relief. She was lost in the thoughts about the future when a gentle hand was placed on her shoulder. _

"_Dr. Cuddy?" A nurse asked. _

_She turned around with expectant eyes. _

"_The nurses are giving Joy her first bath; would you like to be there?" The nurse gave her a pleasant smile. _

Cuddy lifted the sponge and lavished her attention to the smooth, new skin that held no wrinkles, no pain, and a blank slate for Cuddy and the world to write on. The thought daunted Cuddy a little and she had to pause for a second to fully allow this realization to sink in. Joy was hers now, her responsibility, Cuddy blinked fully understanding for the first time just how much this little thing depended on her. She gave a crooked smile to which Joy, who had been intently studying her from the small tub let out a giant toothless smile and splashed slightly in the water which sent waves out of water to spill out of the tub and onto Cuddy's face. Cuddy flinched against the water which splattered over her and laughed.

_Cuddy laughed in spite of herself, Joy was studying her. Cuddy was shocked by how attentive Joy was, although her medical training had told her that it was quite common for a newborn's eyes to open, she was amazed by the intense scrutinizing that Joy was putting Cuddy under, trying to categorize her as something more than a blurry object that was warm and comforting. Cuddy broke into yet another smile, barely being able to contain herself and looked up to ask the nurse about further tests that needed to be done after the bath when her eye caught a figure leaning on the wall in front of the elevator. Cane wrapped around his arm and with an un-amused look on his face, Gregory House stared at the new-born and her mother with an intense frown that matched the look on Joy's face perfectly. Cuddy shifted Joy's wait so that she rested more so on her hip and brought her hand up to wave slightly, almost euphoric in her new found motherhood. House didn't wave back, nor did he break into a smile, he merely continued to stare and then once he had seen what he came for he brought his cane back down to the ground and limped off down the corridor. Cuddy felt the pang of hurt threaten to emerge but quickly submerged that feeling upon noticing Joy move inside the pink blankets which had been assigned to her. _

* * *

"Look to your left," House said now in the exam room with a patient he found slightly more interesting than the others.

"Now your right," House studied her carefully noticing a slow reaction of the pupils to movement. "Difficulty in moving your eyes?"

The young girl nodded and looked down almost ashamed of what was wrong with her.

"You're here by yourself, you're what 12?"

"16."

"Same thing to me, still under-age," House said with eyebrows raised, he pushed against the ground with his feet so that the wheelie chair flew to the counter on the other side of the examination room and he retrieved what he had been looking for, all the while the young girl looked down, trying to avoid eye contact.

"Daddy and Mommy too busy to come down with you?" House asked, putting his hands up against the girl's face and shone a light into one of the pupils that faced in opposite directions.

"I live by myself."

"A runaway," House muttered analyzing the pupil movements.

"No an emancipated minor." House drew back cocked an eyebrow and moved the light to the other eye.

"Wow never met a 16 year old who carried through with the" I hate you" threats," House finished up the eye examination and drew back from her face and as soon as he had removed his plastic gloves he reached into his pocket, grabbed his Vicodin container and popped two pills into his mouth.

"Never met a doctor who was high on pain medication," the girl countered but her fierce stare soon faded when she remembered the weird facial expression she wore with two pupils facing in opposite directions and lowered her gaze to the floor. "Can you do anything about this?"She pointed to her face.

"You need to be emitted," House answered calmly, "I'll schedule you for an MRI and then you'll meet my peeps."

* * *

Wilson moaned softly to himself as he made his way to the pediatric ward, he loved seeing Emma but the tumor that was pressing on her frontal lobe made it very difficult to enjoy his stays in pediatrics and often he left depressed and wondering why on earth he went into oncology. He shook his head, a little disgusted at his thoughts. He always knew when he was entering pediatrics because Cuddy, being the person she was, had perhaps made this the best part of the hospital. Colorful walls and warm pictures placed on the walls, toys and play areas scattered around and friendly staff who always smiled and waved, yes Cuddy had made sure that the sick and scared children that entered this part of the hospital would feel welcome and at home. He happened to know Cuddy spent a great deal of time down in pediatrics, so not only was it the most welcoming place in the hospital, it was also the most efficiently run due to the dean's continual presence, if the hospital was indeed Cuddy's baby, the pediatric ward was the heart that kept it going. Wilson cast his eyes in search of the nurses' station to make sure that Emma hadn't been moved from her usual room when his eyes caught the image of Gregory House looming over the glass viewing area overlooking the newborns. Checking his watch to make sure that he wasn't going to keep Emma waiting, Wilson approached his friend slowly.

"Babies on the mind?" He asked innocently standing by House, he knew House was surprised by Wilson's presence there but did not indicate it further than an uncomfortable change in stance.

"Just trying to understand what's so appealing about a red, crying thing wrapped in a blanket," House tore his eyes away from the newborns and to Wilson.

"Does it matter?" Wilson asked.

"It's irrational," House said turning his back on the viewing station and started walking away.

"No its not and Cuddy will make a great mother," Wilson finally was able to defend Cuddy's position on this.

"Never said she wouldn't," House said truthfully and kept on walking.

Wilson stood still and his brow furrowed, this was the behavior House had been exhibiting all week. He had been ending up in places that he normally would never go, admit things that he would never admit and barely put up a sarcastic front, it just seemed he was tired and un-willing to put the effort into acting like an ass. Wilson sighed and looked after his friend, he hadn't bothered to bring up the motorcycle incident because he knew House wouldn't want to talk about it, but it couldn't help but think about it a lot, what had House been planning on doing at Cuddy's house?

_Cuddy ignored Wilson and kept on staring outside of the window, sort of lost for a minute. _

"_Cuddy? You okay?" Wilson asked after a significant amount of time passed in awkward silence. _

_Cuddy turned to him finally understanding that Wilson was addressing her, "Yeah, sorry, I'm fine." _

"_You don't look fine," Wilson probed seeing the look of deep hurt settle across Cuddy's face._

"_I'm fine," Cuddy insisted getting up from the chair she had been sitting on and carefully adjusted Joy so that Cuddy's hand lay under her head. "Thank you for coming Wilson, but its late and-" she trailed off hinting that he should leave. _

"_House is just," Wilson was trying to say when Cuddy cut him off. _

"_House is an ass." _

_Wilson frowned but seeing that Cuddy had no intention of talking about things he too got up from his chair and made his way to the door to grab his coat._

_**Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!**_


End file.
